Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Self-conscious, or self-aware?

Well, I was watching Tales of Mere Existence, or, more specifically, the episode where Lev talks about his personal image of his body, and I have a few thoughts of my own on this subject, so I thought I could do a blog entry on it, seeing as I rarely update anymore.

I'm pretty short, so I always feel really tiny when standing next to any one of my friends. Most of them are somewhere around two to three inches taller than I am, and while that wouldn't make them too terribly gigantic themselves, that minute height never ceases to make me feel like a midget.

So, even though, when compared to one of my smaller friends, I look something like this:
I feel as though I look something like this:

I'm also really feminine looking, much to my chagrin, and whenever I talk to someone about something I feel is deep and meaningful, I feel like they're too distracted by thinking "holy crap a girl is trying to sound smart" to actually hear what I'm saying. What I mean is, my eyes are kind of big, and my lips are shaped really girly, and my jaw bones are kind of defined, so while I actually look like this (keeping in mind that all off these doodles are done in less than ten minutes):
I always feel like I look like this:
(Which, all things considered, isn't really a bad thing, unless you totally hate being a girl.)

And I'm kind of chubby, because I tend to be on the lazy side, and while I look like this:
I feel like I look like this:

And I feel like my tits are too big for my body, with how short I am, and, once again, I feel like this distracts people whenever I try to talk to them. They're also terribly inconvenient when I attempt to cross dress, even though I would never fool anyone into thinking I'm anything other than female anyway. And even though my chest-to-body ratio looks something like this:
I feel like they look like this:
So, while I look something like this:
I feel like I look like this:

Either way, I guess I'm not really unattractive, I just look different from how I'd like to. But, when you look at my parents, how could you think I would turn out any differently?

Every once in a while, I think everyone feels self-conscious about their bodies, even if they act like they're really confident in their looks. I know some people who are absolutely beautiful and they don't seem to believe it. The world would probably be a less complicated place if people felt better about themselves, or at least had a realistic view of what they looked like. For example, people wouldn't self-tan so much that they looked like oompa-loompas and I wouldn't have to feel the deep boiling rage every time I see someone walk by me looking like a pumpkin. Girls wouldn't get twenty different plastic surgeries to fix what wasn't really wrong with them. Men wouldn't act like hot shit when they haven't bathed in several days. And teenage girls would stop starving themselves in order to look more attractive.

These are just thoughts, though.