And here, a comic

About what can happen when you don't sleep or eat very much


The actual conversation was longer, but it was very similar to this.

No, the water didn't actually talk, but I made it talk. It's fun to do.

That's a pretty huge glass of water, isn't it?

GUYS GUYS GUYS

I CAN FOLLOW MY OWN BLOG AND IT DIDN'T RIP A HOLE IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM.
YAAAAAAY

But I can't figure out how to unfollow it.
I mean, even I can admit that this is garbage.

TESTING, TESTING

THIS IS ONLY A TEST PLEASE EXCUSE ME

Synopsis of your typical teenager

This is a list of what all teenagers do, whether they admit to it or not.

Okay, not all teenagers, BUT TEENAGERS WHO KNOW HOW TO LIVE IT UP BECAUSE SUPPOSEDLY THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES!!!

Oh, and this is not something you want your parents to read because they will probably ground you because this "article" about things teenagers do will confirm their suspicions of your bad behavior and you will never binge drink or get an abortion ever again.

1. Binge drinking. Teenagers binge drink until they think they're sober, and then drink some more because they want to be drunk. Sometimes they die from alcohol poisoning, or something. I heard once, from a semi-reliable source and I don't remember what it was but I remember thinking 'You sound semi-reliable so I'll listen to you!' but they said that a hang-over is actually dehydration, so if you drink a lot of water it can help your hang over but I have never actually been hung over so I don't know. I am not a real teenager so pbbt. That's the sound of a raspberry. Raspberry sounds do not translate well into text.

2. They get pregnant and have abortions. That's right, even the boy ones. I know what you're all up to in your hidey-holes! You can fool your parents into thinking you're going to bible camp, but I know the truth! "Falls Creek", more like "Falls on a dick and gets pregnant!"

3. Go to concerts, where they binge drink and get pregnant at the same time. But it is irresponsible to have an abortion at a concert. Everyone in the mosh pit is dancing, even the abortionist. So your vagina is in mortal peril if you're getting an abortion at the concert. I mean, all those tubes and stuff up in there, you could tear something. Don't do it man. Stop thinking about it, you'll have nightmares!!!!

4. Teenagers do drugs. Lots of them. I think it's to replace all of the love they aren't getting from their parents because they have a little brother or sister and now that little brother or sister is learning how to play the violin and they're like a savant or something which would also mean they're retarded so they also need more attention anyway, or maybe they're a child genius. So teenagers have to fill the hole in their hearts with cocaine or crystal meth or PCP. So then they'll get an intervention and their parents have to pay attention to them and they can be all like "YOU NEVER LOVED ME MOM!!!"

5. Teenagers angst. A lot. And they usually don't have anything to angst about. They just do. It doesn't make any sense, but all teenagers do it, even me. We just angst and angst about things that don't matter, even mattresses. For instance: "My mattress has a huge dent in it where I sleep every night because it is old and I am fat. Oh jeez, I am fat! Look at my face, it's all pudgy and ugly! I'm so unattractive! No one loves me!" And that's what all teenagers do. Even you. I think even adults do it sometimes. People just like to complain I guess because if we were happy wouldn't you be so bored? Humans thrive on conflict!!

6. Teenagers work at the mini-mart, usually to finance their drug and drinking problems, but also sometimes to get that second abortion because they went to a party last night and they'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and one of their exes was there and they were feeling vulnerable so they told themselves "Okay, but only to third base" but they ended up going all the way but they didn't have any rubbers but they were too drunk to care and today they're really hung over because they didn't drink a lot of water and they're grumpy and hate their customers but they have to do this or they can never afford their abortion! And also their parents are Catholic.

And that is all the stuff teenagers do. The end.

I went to the park today!

And took like ten million pictures but actually twenty five.

IT WAS SO FUN!!

I nearly fell off this once, guys. I could have died. But not really, maybe sprained my ankle or something.
Isn't that a pretty rock?
This is the whole park. I love it so much!
Some graffiti. There used to be a lot more, but I guess they're trying to class it up.
"People pee in me!!!"
There used to be two rocky horses here, but I think one was a toucan, but they're both gone now.
"Mommy look what I can do!"
But I never could. :C
I'm so mature.
Look at how green it still is!
I used to go adventuring through here! I would have today and gotten more pictures, but it's about to rain and that creek turns into a pretty legit river that could drown a little girl.
There used to be more graffiti here- mostly obscene and about drugs and I was like ten and was all like 'oh noes!'- but they erased it.
These are the funnest slides in the world if you're two and a half feet tall.
Monkey bars that I could never monkey around on!
Swings!!! I was the best swinger in the neighborhood, but not like that!
Basketball court!
I found a dead cat here once. :(
Look at the pretty flowers!
This is the prettiest house on the block, but sadly it is not mine.
This is my house. You can see my derpy dog in the corner.
DERP A HURPDERPDERPDURRR
Our horrible gumtree and a survivor sunflower!
FEED ME, SEYMOUR!
"I hate you and will make you rake up a million leaves and gumballs in the fall and winter. >:C"
NO. DO NOT EAT.
Plants that gave up on living long ago.

And there you go! A bunch of pictures that you probably didn't care about, but I made you look at anyway! You're welcome.

Today, I wanted to write a blog post

But I don't know what to write.

So I'll post a picture.

TAKE THIS

Ha ha, Prilly. Got you with your own picture.

Had a bad day? I would like to make it better.

Before you begin, I have to tell you that this post will take a while. Not in words, but if you do it right, then it'll probably take thirty minutes to an hour.

Okay, you'll need five things for this exercise, and I need you to get them.

You'll need:

A pen
A piece of paper
A bowl
A match
And a mirror

Do you have everything you need? I know this seems silly, but you'll feel better afterward. Trust me.

Pick up your piece of paper, and your pen. It is very important that this is an actual, physical piece of paper, and not a text or word document.

Right now, I want you to write down anything going on in your head that's bad. What do you think about yourself? Your job? Your significant other? What happened today? Did you miss your bus, so you had to walk to work? Did you delete that novel that you've been working on for months? Did she leave you? Did you find out that he's cheating on you? Are you feeling down on yourself?

Write that down. Write down all of your bad thoughts and feelings, even if they don't make sense. No one will read this but you, it doesn't matter if anyone else understands it. Go on, write it. Scribble all over the page, if that's what you're feeling.

Is it all down? Alright. Time for the fun part.

I want you to take that piece of paper, and crumble it up. That's right, smash it into a tiny ball.

Good. You've crushed their defenses. Time to take the army. That's right, I want you to tear it to pieces. Tiny little pieces. Can you still read some of the writing? Then the pieces aren't small enough. Do it again. And again. And again and again until you can't read the writing, or the paper is dust. Whichever comes first. It's a lot more fun than it sounds.

Put the pieces in a bowl. Alright? You got it? Get your match, and light those motherfuckers on fire. Make sure the bowl is big, so there's no chance that the flame will catch to the good things. Like that girl you like, you don't want her to catch on fire. You also don't want that book beside you to catch fire, you might read that soon. Who's that by again? I dig that author.

Alright, sorry, we got off topic. Are the pieces ashes now? Okay. Go flush them down the toilet. I'll wait here while you're doing that.

...

Do it. I wasn't joking.

You did it? Sweet action. Now the healing can begin.

Let's talk, okay? I want you to tell me what's wrong, out loud. Laugh, cry, scream if you have to. It doesn't matter if anyone else is listening, okay? Let it all out. Tell me what's wrong with your life, right now, what is making you sad, even if it doesn't make sense. I promise not to judge.

I hope you got it all out. This part may get a little hard, but I need you to do it for this little exercise to work.

Take a deep breath. If you're crying, then blow your nose and wipe the tears from your face. Another breath. In and out. You're totally an expert at breathing. Keep that in mind for what I'm about to tell you to do next.

What are your hobbies, what's your special talent? Tell me a little about that.

That's really cool. It sounds like fun! Maybe I'll try it sometime.

This part will be harder.

Look deep inside yourself. No, I won't tell you to find your spirit animal or to go to your mental health cave or whatever. I don't know anything about that, why would I tell you to do it?

No, look inside yourself. We got the bad out, so you know what is left in there?

The good.

Tell me. Tell me everything inside you that's good, list them one by one if you have to, I don't care.

Now I'm going to tell you what's good about you.

You are attractive, no matter what anyone else says. Treat yourself like you are. Dress up a little, get a flattering hair cut. Don't be ashamed of your face anymore. That's a beauty mark, not a mole. Go out today, buy a new shirt or pair of pants, and go out to dinner, be it with friends, co-workers, or with yourself. If you can't go out, make yourself something nice. You deserve it. No, I don't care if you're on a diet, eat that cake. You've wanted to for days, just do it. It's hard work being awesomely sexy, so just do it.

You are talented. Let no one tell you anything otherwise. I bet you're a great artist, or mathematician, or musician, or author, or cook. So what if what you made wasn't as good as what the person next to you made? Who cares. You did great, and if you keep working at it, you can only get better. Even if you're not the best at what you do, that doesn't mean that you should just stop. Try harder, keep pushing forward.

People love you. I love you, and I might not even know you. Look at your friends, your family. Would they even associate themselves with you if they didn't love you for exactly who you are? Probably, because you're awesome, but that's not the point. They think you are amazing and, while they might be jerks sometimes, and, while you might be a jerk sometimes, that will never change. They will always love you. I will always love you. This will never, ever change.

Look at yourself in the mirror right now, and tell yourself "I love you." Say it a few more times, in case you misheard yourself. Tell yourself "I will be better to you from now on." Tell yourself "You are the best, and nothing will change that, even if you burst into flames because that bowl wasn't deep enough. You'll still be the best."

I think all that needed to be said has been said here. I hope you feel better.

Next time you're down, maybe we can talk again?