Okay, not all teenagers, BUT TEENAGERS WHO KNOW HOW TO LIVE IT UP BECAUSE SUPPOSEDLY THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES!!!
Oh, and this is not something you want your parents to read because they will probably ground you because this "article" about things teenagers do will confirm their suspicions of your bad behavior and you will never binge drink or get an abortion ever again.
1. Binge drinking. Teenagers binge drink until they think they're sober, and then drink some more because they want to be drunk. Sometimes they die from alcohol poisoning, or something. I heard once, from a semi-reliable source and I don't remember what it was but I remember thinking 'You sound semi-reliable so I'll listen to you!' but they said that a hang-over is actually dehydration, so if you drink a lot of water it can help your hang over but I have never actually been hung over so I don't know. I am not a real teenager so pbbt. That's the sound of a raspberry. Raspberry sounds do not translate well into text.
2. They get pregnant and have abortions. That's right, even the boy ones. I know what you're all up to in your hidey-holes! You can fool your parents into thinking you're going to bible camp, but I know the truth! "Falls Creek", more like "Falls on a dick and gets pregnant!"
3. Go to concerts, where they binge drink and get pregnant at the same time. But it is irresponsible to have an abortion at a concert. Everyone in the mosh pit is dancing, even the abortionist. So your vagina is in mortal peril if you're getting an abortion at the concert. I mean, all those tubes and stuff up in there, you could tear something. Don't do it man. Stop thinking about it, you'll have nightmares!!!!
4. Teenagers do drugs. Lots of them. I think it's to replace all of the love they aren't getting from their parents because they have a little brother or sister and now that little brother or sister is learning how to play the violin and they're like a savant or something which would also mean they're retarded so they also need more attention anyway, or maybe they're a child genius. So teenagers have to fill the hole in their hearts with cocaine or crystal meth or PCP. So then they'll get an intervention and their parents have to pay attention to them and they can be all like "YOU NEVER LOVED ME MOM!!!"
5. Teenagers angst. A lot. And they usually don't have anything to angst about. They just do. It doesn't make any sense, but all teenagers do it, even me. We just angst and angst about things that don't matter, even mattresses. For instance: "My mattress has a huge dent in it where I sleep every night because it is old and I am fat. Oh jeez, I am fat! Look at my face, it's all pudgy and ugly! I'm so unattractive! No one loves me!" And that's what all teenagers do. Even you. I think even adults do it sometimes. People just like to complain I guess because if we were happy wouldn't you be so bored? Humans thrive on conflict!!
6. Teenagers work at the mini-mart, usually to finance their drug and drinking problems, but also sometimes to get that second abortion because they went to a party last night and they'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and one of their exes was there and they were feeling vulnerable so they told themselves "Okay, but only to third base" but they ended up going all the way but they didn't have any rubbers but they were too drunk to care and today they're really hung over because they didn't drink a lot of water and they're grumpy and hate their customers but they have to do this or they can never afford their abortion! And also their parents are Catholic.
And that is all the stuff teenagers do. The end.
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